learn to say no.
learn to leave.
learn to say good bye.
sunday, monday, tuesday.
night.
can't figure it out. what happened? why was i there?how did it all happen? how come i got two cats now? how did that happen?
how come i was there during his last night?
walking, walking, laughing, smoking, drinking, walking, talking, laughing...
how come i could stand talking to him, knowing he wasn't even looking at me, not even listening.
how could i stay...be there, knowing i was being ignored?
was this what lay accross the mirror? so is it his world, down there, in the rabbit hole?
madness, madness,burnt landmarks, just a downward spiral of events and words making me laugh for i did not want to cry, just a colourful fogg of attitudes and directions: madness, madness, what the fuck am i doing here? just an emotional rollercoaster: up then down, up then down, curve to the left, curve to the right, up and then slide down, fast, faster, faster: how long can you keep up?take it like a slap in the face, every time you think it wasn't supposed to happen. you put yourself in this situation. now shut up and take it. you deserve it.
then the jealousy, strawberries, the questions, the doubts, my hands, my hands.
perfume.
everything.
nonsense.
no sense.
no meaning.
no ... bone structure for all this.
can't understand. maybe there's nothing to understand.
just facts. and the love - what love? for whom? for what? just waste.
and i'm not even sad. just drained out.
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